Once Again I Got Caught in the Bait-and-switch and Watching a Video
Anyone who knows anything virtually the phases of a relationship with a narcissistic individual understands, all too well, the dreaded "Discard" stage and the possible reasons why a narcissist leaves y'all.
If y'all're just learning almost narcissistic traits, the 'discard stage' is where yous seemingly fall from grace in the narcissist's eyes and they brainstorm telling you lot all that's supposedly "wrong" with you, why y'all're not adept relationship fabric, and also when they begin playing the field or returning to one of their exes (sometimes both).
For someone who's deeply in love with the narcissist past this betoken, the discard tin can feel utterly devastating. So much so that information technology frequently destroys lives.
Many people who experience they've been discarded truly believe that the narcissist will never give them the fourth dimension of day again…indeed, that the narcissist can barely stand to exist in the same room with them or even the sight of them.
To add together insult to injury, they believe they'll never encounter the narcissist again.
And in some cases, the narcissist does leave…never to be heard from again.
But that'southward not what usually happens. If yous are in the process of a seeming discard and would like to know why a narcissist leaves you, then follow closely, because the truth is, well-nigh discards are not what they initially seem.
The Truth Backside Near Discards and Why a Narcissist Leaves Y'all
1 – Most discards are the outset of the triangulation phase
…and the narcissist isn't really 'done' with you lot yet.
In your mind, everything was going along swimmingly when out of nowhere, the narcissist became disenchanted with the relationship.
All of a sudden, all the fiddling things they get-go loved nearly you became the blight of their existence.
Then, the narcissist started dropping hints about other people who were interested in them. Perhaps a co-worker, someone they met at an AA coming together, or even an ex.
Before you knew information technology, the narcissist began ramping upwardly their Silent Treatments or started showing complete indifference toward your relationship. Try equally you did, you could non gain dorsum the narcissist's angel. You became "damaged goods", completely unredeemable in their optics.
This is one of the blueprint routines of egotistic individuals. Every bit personal as it seems to y'all, information technology really is but a page out of their playbook. It's narc code 18.2-248: the but way they can make yous understand what a good thing you've lost is to make you feel like a total dud. Discarded people who feel similar duds usually try to win back the love of a former partner because bad love is better than no love, right?
Tip – There is zilch more empowering to an injured narcissist than to have two people vying for their angel. Not considering the narcissist cares almost either of them, but considering it makes the narcissist feel commanding and elusive…a real catch.
2 – The seeds of discards consist of the narcissist's partners inevitably expressing disappointment or displeasure in something the narcissist does or says.
Maybe the narcissist started going dark on y'all, non answering your calls, and ignoring your text letters. Maybe you caught them cheating. Perhaps you lot grew tired of their ever-growing unemployment condition.
Whatever it was, the narcissist couldn't be bothered…and they needed to remind you of how valuable they are, peculiarly since you pointed out one or more than of their shortcomings.
Plus, they needed to remind themselves of how "valuable" they are, hence the newcomer in their lives. Someone who will requite them unbridled attention, praise, and unsullied admiration.
But, don't be fooled by appearances. The narcissist may be convincing, insisting that their new partner is all that you could never be, only the truth is, all the narcissist wants is someone who volition fall for their fake charm while gaining a new (or recycled) admirer.
Since you lot know what the narcissist is really like, you lot no longer fall into that category – even if you want to.
But, to accept advantage of your crushed eye, they will want to remain friends with y'all. This is and then they can tell you all about their new "love", make you pine for them, and perhaps fall at their ankles in exchange for a crumb of their attention.
If you lot're actually lucky, yous and the narcissist tin can crook on the narcissist'southward new partner together.
Tip – Don't be shocked or dislocated by the narcissist acquiring a new partner and and then wanting to see you on the side. This is not a deep mystery. In that location's no possibility of the narcissist choosing ane of you over the other. At that place won't be any a-ha epiphanies. Information technology'southward simply a matter of triangulation.
3 – Narcissists don't want or need people they can attach to or form strong, emotional bonds with.
What they need is abiding, unswerving, unblemished validation. Preferably from someone whom the narcissist believes is intelligent, successful, and well-nigh of all…diplomatic.
But, don't believe for a second that if you requite these things to them, your relationship tin can be salvaged. The irony is if you give upward your unabridged identity to placate the narcissist, they will become bored and repelled and seek new supply, anyway.
Tip – Do not believe that once they "discard" you, y'all're no longer intelligent or successful. Y'all might be distracted or unfocused due to emotional manipulation, but having been narcissistically driveling is not a approximate for intelligence. Information technology's not a cognitive matter.
4 – By the time the discard happens, the narcissist has typically already groomed new supply.
The tiniest perceived insult drives the easily offended narcissist to seek out other supply who is naïve as a young lamb. Don't try to make rhyme or reason of it.
A elementary comment such as, "Whew, I tin can't seem to become caught upwardly with house cleaning, I recall I'll expect into hiring someone a couple times a month" is interpreted by the narcissist as, "You're a lazy practiced-for-zilch who never helps" (even if your comment was innocent, they know they're a lazy expert-for-zilch who never helps and took your comment equally a direct verbal attack).
The other alternative is that they don't want you to spend money on a cleaning person, they want you to continue doing all the piece of work so they can spend that coin on themselves – and they desire you to keep quiet about it.
Either way, while you're on Care.com seeking a qualified housekeeper, they're on various dating sites lining up your replacement.
Tip – replacement does not equal truthful love or fairy tales for the narcissist. Replacement = unlimited supply in the course of admiration, coin, sympathy, and oodles of second chances.
v – The narcissist hasn't had The Divine Epiphany after having been apart from you
Whatever of us who've been caught up in the savage cycle of abuse has fallen for narcissist's Divine Epiphany. You lot know, where the angels parted the clouds and instilled divine insight into the middle of the narcissist'southward brain that he or she is losing out on their just gamble for true love.
And we fall for it…despite all the disastrous hoovering stints, the bait-and-switch games, and the failed attempts nosotros've made at being a savior. We truly believe the narcissist has seen the lite and has come back to us a completely inverse person.
As proficient as it feels in the moment, it's simply another folio out of their playbook.
The Answer to Your Burning Question
…which is the same as everyone else's who has been thrown out like yesterday'southward meatloaf.
How exercise you know if the narcissist'southward discarding of you lot is permanent or temporary?
There is no fashion to know for sure. If the narcissist in question is a grudge-holder, and so you probably won't hear from them for a long time, if e'er.
The grudge-holding, disappearing narcissist is not the most common scenario, though. And it'south hard to tell if your ex falls into this category, as they may fall off the grid for weeks, months, or even years, making it seem that the discard is permanent and that'southward why it's and then unpredictable.
The more common outcome is that the narcissist will triangulate you lot, eventually want to be friends (with benefits), and offer a false confession that they've fabricated the worst mistake of their lives.
And if y'all accept them back, information technology will be the worst mistake of yours. Whether the discard is "permanent or temporary" should be up to you, non them. Their motives are intrinsically unstable. Y'all need to determine if you lot are willing to be someone'due south emotional punching bag and second selection for the rest of your life or if you believe you deserve meliorate.
I hope it's the latter.
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Source: https://kimsaeed.com/2017/08/15/5-dark-truths-behind-dreaded-discard-answer-burning-question/
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